It's just as much mental and physical

If you have read my blog for a decent amount of time you know that I do my long runs on Saturdays. Well, last weeks 11 was hard. But going into work and being productive standing on my feet for 8 hours was harder. So I told myself since I was scheduled off on Sunday, I could skip it and do it on Sunday. Then I start thinking to myself, "well, you are off so you should just do the 13.1 and call it a day". Then I start thinking, "who stops at 13.1? and wouldn't it be awesome to do 14-15?" What's another 2 miles? Right?

Firstly, let me say I am doing HORRIBLE at eating junk. A lot of freaking sugar. Ice cream in general. I don't know what my problem is. Had a huge glacier from Ritter's last night. Not a small, not a medium a FREAKING large. That was dinner. It was amazing. But I've gotta get a handle on this. I was already trying to make excuses last night while eating it too. I'll just go to the gym and do the stair master and elliptical  I knew what I was eating was going to do numbers on my GI. I figured I would just wing it. So, I wasn't 100 percent sure I was going to run today. I woke up and had a banana. That's when stomach issues started. About 30 minutes of going back and forth to the porcine thrown, I decided to take a shot or two of Pepto. Which is a very bad habit of doing. I read somewhere it messes with kidney's or something within you body that seemed important. (Although, I think this was regarding running in the heat) I just don't want to get in the habit of it. Or maybe I just need to crap my pants on a run. Maybe that will be my lesson?!
Anyways, I got a new bra last night at Dicks. I think it's by Reebok  Most my sports bras are too big now that I have been inducted into the Itty bitty titty committee. So I defiantly was happy to be running in a bra that fit. Got started at a nearby trail. It was chilly, with a slight wind. I can run 10 miles pretty well now. I did experiment with fueling. Most the times, I wait until I'm really struggling. Sluggish  Today I decided to fuel throughout the whole thing. First, shot block was at 5 miles. Didn't feel like I needed it, but I ate it anyways. Feeling pretty good then. Took another somewhere between 9 and 10. I always start to struggle after 10. I tried to concentrate on music and breathing. It was cloudy out today, but the sun would come out for brief moments. That really helped. I can't wait for spring and summer. I want to feel that sun so bad. Got to 13 and I wanted to quit so stinking bad. I just felt so heavy. Plus, I had turned around and was running into the wind. 13-14 was rough. I definitely kelp looking at my watch. It seemed like every quarter of a mile I was glancing. I felt like I was barely running. I was trying my hardest though. I told myself several times, mind over matter, mind over matter. You CAN do this. Believe in yourself. I heard my watch beep and I stopped dead in my tracks!!!

It was between 13 and 14 that it occurred to me. You not only have to train your body, but your mind too. Speaking kindly to myself might be harder then the physical aspect of training. But this run proved it's important. I try so hard being kind to others, I guess I need to make being kind to myself a goal too.

The new bra did feel good, but only until mile 8. I started feeling a discomfort in my neck/shoulder. It never crossed my mind to use body glide. UGH. Stupid me.

First thing I did when I stopped was get off the path and lay down in the grass. I cant explain the feeling of giving all you have. The pride, the satisfaction, the emptiness, the joy. I am way proud of this run. Er, well mile 13-14. Not giving up. Here are my splits:

Split Time Distance Avg Pace Summary 2:25:34.9 14.00 10:24 1 10:55.3 1.00 10:55 2 10:35.9 1.00 10:36 3 10:35.3 1.00 10:35 4 10:35.3 1.00 10:35 5 10:31.9 1.00 10:32 6 10:22.8 1.00 10:23 7 10:25.9 1.00 10:26 8 10:15.4 1.00 10:15 9 10:13.2 1.00 10:13 10 10:28.0 1.00 10:28 11 10:11.4 1.00 10:11 12 10:11.2 1.00 10:11 13 10:05.4 1.00 10:05 14 10:07.9 1.00 10:08

Weather

27°

Feels like 16°

11 mph WNW wind

Humidity 68%

Source: KDAY

Maybe mile 13-14 was so hard because it was the fasted miles through the whole run. Pretty sure, I just wanted to get it done with. I was shocked to see this after. I felt like I was barely going faster then a fast walking pace.
And feels like 16? During my run it felt great. But, I ended up at a park about 6 miles away from my car. I called my brother to come pick me up. Those 30 minutes were horrible. I was sweaty and the wind had me almost in tears. I was freezing! I will be rethinking this next time.
First thing I did was take a scolding hot bubble bath when I got home. Which I'm pretty sure that is a no-no. But there was no way I was taking a ice bath after being cold for so long. NO WAY.

What kind of runner am I?

What kind of runner are you? I saw this one of the many Facebook pages I like about running. In my case, it is true. I am the first picture top, left. It sums me up perfectly. Specially running stats. How else can we know we are improving? Numbers don't lie. So many times, I have went on "feel". But used a app (before I got my Garmin) and thought I was going super slow. When I looked at the stats after, I was surprised. You can't always go on "feel". 

You know how I was telling you about one of my favorite things about running on a treadmill is out running people. Well, I take it back. 

Today, I planned on 3-4 miles on the treadmill. Just a sorta recovery run after yesterday. Not that my legs were sore. Maybe a little tight at first. In fact, the first 2 miles I was convinced I was stopping at 4. (Always going for more.) This guy got on beside me within 15 minutes of me starting. I got to 4 miles and he was still running. So, I couldn't stop. BTW, why do people wear sweatshirts while working out? I don't get it. I can understand if you are outside. But inside, on the treadmill? I start sweating within the first 2 miles. I can't imagine wearing a sweatshirt. Plus, my legs were really loosening up. Feeling pretty good. Then this lady got on the one to my other side. So of course, I mentally wanted to out run her too. Around 5 miles the man stops. So now, all I had left was this woman beside me. That by the way, was running kinda funny. She was like skipping. Not that I have perfect form. But I have never seen anyone run like her. Anyways, I bumped up my speed bit and kept running. She stopped to walk for a bit around 6.25. The type "A" person in me, had to round it out to a even 7 miles. So I just finished out the 7. Tomorrow I am going to do 3-4 miles, but work on speed. then jumping back on the stairs. Ugh. I dread that machine more then hill work.

I am really getting excited for my half's coming up. Although, I know I wont be under 2 hours with the first one. But the second one..maybe? A girl can hope. Er, well she can work her rear end off for it or die trying. Although, I got to thinking while I was running today, once I achieve that what will my next goal be? A full marathon? I want to. But we will be trying again for a baby late spring and I just think that is a lot of pressure on my body. I don't need to added more issues to my already jacked up body. So if we ever do become parents, I can train for it then. Right now, I think I'll stick to the shorter distance. 10K or half. 5K's? I wont mind doing one here or there. But I hate paying for just 3 miles. 

I got the average "Joe" beat

One of my favorite things about running on the treadmill is out running people. The weather is very cold right now and with the wind it is single digits. So I opted for the treadmill. After the emotional roller coaster yesterday took me on, I knew it was going to be a decent run, mileage wise. I didn't really have a number in my mind. Plan was just to run until my problems seemed to not matter. Started running. From the start it was feeling great. Set it on 1% incline and just ran. I always start off at 5.0 then just keep increasing speed until  I feel like stopping. Most the run I stayed at 5.3 Not a fast run today. I was relaxed most of the run. Guy number 1 got on when I was at mile 3. He ran for about 30 minutes and then stopped to walk a bit. Started running again. Then guy number 2 got on treadmill to my other side. He looked like one of those guys that think they are awesome. I smiled to myself because I had a good feeling I could out run him. Most people have me beat on speed and strength, but I got you beat on endurance! Although, I know there are a lot of people who can run farther and longer then me. But I am talking about the average "Joe". Anyways, guy number 2 lasted for a decent amount of time. I was around mile 7. He stopped. I smiled some more. HAHA I started thinking about growing up with all guys. The only girl of four boys. Plus, there friends, guys were around a lot of my childhood. But I remember constantly fighting to be treated the same as them. Just cause I am a girl, doesn't mean I cant hang. I can pull my own weight. This run was living proof. I had a really good playlist going, and the treadmill at the gym has a 95 minute time limit. I just ran until it stopped. I was kinda bummed though. I could have kept going.I ended with 8.50 miles.
After the run, I still wanted more. So I jumped on the elliptical  Every 10 minutes I increase resistance and incline. At the end of the hour my legs were burning. I stretched a little bit. I'm taking this more serious. The last thing I want is a injury. Today during my run, I got a weird feeling in my right calf. It's not painful. Just a weird different feeling. Just want to make sure it doesn't turn into something.

So I haven't been officially diagnosed with PCOS, but I have suspension I have it. My sister in law mentioned that she read a article about treating it with a gluten free diet. I did some research last night about it. I think I am going to give it a try. I am just a bit bummed though. Everything has gluten in it. I'm willing to do anything I can do be a Mom. So Ill deal with it, but it breaks my heart just a little. Pasta and beer will be the hardest to give up. It's not forever, so that's a bit comforting.

iTunes is killing me. I seriously need to step back from it. I go on there and just click click click. Next thing I know I get a bill for 3.99 and 4.99 and 11.99. It adds up. I have a kick butt music library but my pocketbook says "ouch".

Depression and self dounbt

So today wasn't a great day. I woke up feeling very depressed. Just about the whole situation. I feel so stupid saying this because EVERYONE and their Mom knows life isn't fair. But I can't let it go. I am so mad. I can't even express how mad I am. Most days, I deal with it okay. But I worked first shift today and so I stewed about it all day. Just thinking about it ALL day. Lunch time rolled around and I was so emotionally. I was holding back tears. I pushed through telling myself I would get a good run in after work. I was looking forward to that, it was actually what saved me from falling apart at work. I got off work and had to go get blood work. This just added more fuel. I left there. I forgot to eat lunch, so I was starving. I stopped at Taco Bell. I knew once I ate that a run was out of the picture. That would have been a hot mess. Wasn't feeling the port-a-potty situation. So, then I also stopped and got some ice cream. Ugh. Stupid me. Came home ate the Taco Bell and a forth of the ice cream, while watching Tangled. Which by the way, is my new favorite movie! I frickin loved it. So cute. I was feeling really crappy about my situation and the fact I ate like crap. So I went to the gym. Did a hour on the stair-master then 30 minutes on the elliptical  I was so not ready to quit, but the Mr. has to work 3rd tonight and wanted to take the car. So I had to cut it short. I had planned on getting a couple miles in around my neighborhood when I got home. But the Mr. didn't feel comfortable with me doing that since he wasn't going to be home. So that will have to wait til tomorrow. I'm thinking 5-10 miles tomorrow  I just need that feeling like I have some control. Even though I kicked butt on the stairs, running is still the only thing that gives me that feeling. I can't explain why or how. Just is. But hubby left for work and I fell apart. (Hubby knows I was having a hard time. We had a small talk about it, But I really didn't want to talk. He is so good to me. So patient and he has faith. So much faith it leaves me breathless. I wish I had that.) Anyways, I usually just hold things in. I hate being a bother to people. I have lots of support. Lot's of family to turn too. I really am grateful. They know small details as to what happened. But other then the Mr. I hadn't confided emotionally to anyone. Since I didn't get my run in, I needed too. The first person that popped into my mind was my brother John. Like I said I have lots of family that I know would have been there. But John and I have a close relationship. Always have. I turned to him. Although, I wasn't looking for him to make it better. I know no one can. I just needed someone to listen to me, while I fall apart. Although, I don't feel completely better, I do feel a bit relieved. I feel like I can sleep tonight. (Last night wasn't so great)

Saturdays long run went okay. Doubting my goal. Not sure it's realistic. Bummed a little when I saw the time. 11 miles in 1:55:59 So definitely not at or even close to my goal. (13.1 in 2hrs or less) But I didn't plan at all. Just winged it. There were 3 hills. 2 gradual and 1 really steep hill. I just about died. But I never stopped running. I pushed through when I thought I couldn't. When I thought my legs were going to fall off. First hill was gradual. I was feeling good. Not too difficult. Concentrated on breathing deep and from the belly. Then the steep hill came. I just about stopped. I got half way up. I really had to dig deep for this. I got to the top and it probably took me a good mile to really catch my breath. I was around 6 miles. My legs were aching. I told myself get to 8 and I can quit. So I looped around to head back home. I figured I would run until 8 and then I could call hubby to come pick me up. I got to 7 and took some fuel, because I saw the next gradual hill come up. Made it up. Seriously, my legs were screaming. But something in me, made me dig a little deeper. Telling myself I'm almost home and its all flat. So I just ran home. I got to the corner of my street and was at 10.25 Well I hate ending at uneven numbers so I knew I was going to try for 11. When I finished I thought I was going to collapse  Oh, did I tell you I had to go to work in 45 minutes of finishing this? I tried to stretch a bit. My calf's definitely were feeling those hills. They hurt me all day Saturday and Sunday. I'm going to start doing hill repeats, but I think Ill save them for shorter run. Because OUCH!!!

Eh, eating isn't going that great. I know a lot of it has to do with my depression lately, but still. I need to snap out of it and keep whats important in focus. I'm eating to maintain right now and I still need to lose another 30 pounds. Tomorrow is a new day. Improvement is what I strive for.

It's hard to stop when it feels so good.

I woke up this morning with the sun shining in my face. It felt like spring. I got up had my breakfast and checked the weather. It was 45, with some wind. Usually I wimp out and take it to the treadmill. But I'm telling you Spring was in the air. Plus, one of the trails I use runs north to south, and there is a line of trees on both sides that kinda blocks out some of the wind. So off I went. Intended on a 3 mile recovery run. But it was one of those runs where my legs felt strong and breathing was in rhythmic  So I just kept going. I even concentrated on form. Not that I have done much research on it, but I just played around with it. I think it was between mile 3-5. I noticed when I stood up straight and chest out a little bit, I felt like I was gliding along with little to no effort. Here are my splits:

Laps10

View Splits

Split Time Distance Avg Pace Summary 1:23:46.4 8.14 10:18 1 :01.0 0.00 0 2 10:46.7 1.00 10:47 3 10:17.9 1.00 10:18 4 10:29.1 1.00 10:29 5 10:02.6 1.00 10:03 6 10:01.6 1.00 10:02 7 10:11.0 1.00 10:11 8 10:13.4 1.00 10:13 9 10:13.0 1.00 10:13 10 1:30.1 0.14 10:53

Weather

46°

Feels like 39°

18 mph WSW wind

Humidity 61%

Source: KDAY

The first lap...in the splits is from when I was in the car and hit start. I haven't learned all the tricks on how to delete stuff, so I just started from there. The weather is suppose to be getting colder so I'm sure I will be back on the treadmill tomorrow, and it will force me to stick to the training plan. Training plan?! What training plan?

Went food shopping today and found the best thing EVER!! I am in love with anything lemon. I just happen to look at the gum selection and see this!

Best gum EVER!!!! I chew a lot of gum for many different reasons. Gum can kill cravings like no ones business.

Other then my awesome run today, I went to the gym and did a hr on the elliptical.  I was planing on taking it easy, but I was barely working up a sweat and I was 20 minutes in. If I'm at the gym, then I'm going hard. No sense in wasting time. So I bumped up the incline and resistance every 10 minutes. I ended on incline 16 and resistance 15. I was struggling. I just hope my legs aren't jello tomorrow. It wont make for a good run. 3-4 miles tomorrow. So I might have to make a few deals with myself to get through it. Ummm, Girl Scout cookies came in. Mmmmmm.

I'm dumb, but not stupid

Last night's post I mentioned my "long run" 7-9 miles that I was doing today. 4:30 A.M. to be exact. I woke up at 3:30 A.M. to get breakfast, hydrate and poop. Started my run as planned. It's was 23 degrees when I started. Not to bad. I wore a extra layer just to be on the safe side. There was little to no wind, so I was happy about that. I almost always start in my neighborhood loop. It's 3 miles. Then I kinda just wing it. I needed to stay close to home because the Mr. keeps his phone on silent at night. I meant to tell him last night to turn it on loud. I forgot. So I didn't want to go to far and not be able to make it back in time for work. I pretty much just run main streets when I go out before the sun comes up or goes down. You never know who is lurking in the shadows. I noticed within the first mile, my thigh was feeling fine. It really only bothers me when I sit down or stand. HAHA. Guess it's from the squats. So I was relieved that it doesn't seem to be a injury. I got to about 5.50 miles and I was getting warm. There is one thing I hate to sweat. It's my hands. I had to take my gloves off. So I took them off and discarded them along a tree I was sure I would pass coming back. Then I took my hat off. Did the same with that. Two miles later I got to a local Kroger. There is a park directly behind it that would lead to my neighborhood. I was going to take it and do my neighborhood again. After all I was only looking to do 7-9 miles. Well the more I thought about it the more I decided I shouldn't. This park doesn't have any lights at all. I would have probably been okay running through there, but you can never be too safe about things like that. I'm dumb, but not stupid. So I turned around and went the way I came. I got completely side tracked with my thoughts because I ended up taking a few side streets (well lit streets) and when I got close to my neighborhood I was a little over 9. Still feeling good and I still had not used any of my fuel I brought with me. So I decided to run to 10 and call it a day. If I didn't have to be at work within the hour, I would have had some chews and just did a half marathon. The two unexpected rest days had my legs feeling refreshed. I have yet to go pick up my gloves and hat that I took off during the run. I'll get them tomorrow if they are still there. I hardly doubt someone would want my old, sweaty gloves and hat. Along my run, I did see a dead cat, a empty police car and clear skies. Stars were shinning bright. I wish I would have been able to see the sun coming up. Stupid work ruining my fun. Here are my splits from the run. Pretty decent. 

Split	Time	Distance	Avg Pace
Summary	1:43:49.2	10.05	10:20
1	10:40.9	1.00	10:41
2	10:35.9	1.00	10:36
3	10:37.9	1.00	10:38
4	10:32.7	1.00	10:33
5	10:14.2	1.00	10:14
6	10:21.8	1.00	10:22
7	10:11.8	1.00	10:12
8	10:02.8	1.00	10:03
9	9:57.9	1.00	9:58
10	10:02.4	1.00	10:02
11	:31.0	0.05	9:40

Oh! I am happy to report I didn't have to squat in a bush or crap my panties on my run. There were two different times I was thinking about a plan. Stomach started getting crampy. But it went away. Or well until I stopped running. Gotta cut back on the sugar intake. Also, I love the body glide. I forgot one place to grease up. Where my chest strap for my garmin goes, I got some chaffing there. It's actually really sore too. Kinda bummed. But it's a lesson learned. I won't forget it next time.

Tomorrow will be a rest day. But I will be doing my strength. Thinking about a spin class on Monday along with a run. Bob teaches on Monday, he is by far my favorite instructor. I love spinning to begin with, but he is makes it more fun. 

I'm getting a tiny bit better at stretching after my runs. Not that I think it seems to help much. But it does feel good for the 5 seconds I hold it for. Maybe that's my problem. I'm just impatient.