Jumped back into the saddle!

So when I first started this journey, I began taking spin classes. I went into my first class alone and was thinking this is going to be cake. Boy! was I wrong! Spinning is a workout! Of course it is great cardio and it strengths your legs. Which if you are a reader of mine, you know I hate strength workouts. But since it combines both I can deal. I actually love it. I only stopped doing it because it was too much when I got further into my training for the half marathon. So I picked it back up and will do it for a while, until I get deeper in the training again. Last night, Bob was the instructor. Oddly enough, he was the the instructor for my first class too. He is hardcore. Always, pushing you and mixes things up. Also, very funny guy! The only thing I don't like about his classes are they are always busy. But that must say something about him as a instructor. He is good.

Running. It's going OK  I'm not thrilled with it but I'm working on it. I can't seem to pace myself right now. Today, I did 3 miles. 31 minutes. That's way to fast for me right now. But I slow down and feel like I'm a slug. I am going to have to get that in check or I will never make it past 5 miles. I don't really know why I care so much about speed. I have always been the kind of runner out for distance. Not speed. So this is surprising to me. My long run this week is only scheduled for 4 miles, so I will be working more on pacing with that run, or it will be a miserable.

I'm looking for a good 5K to do soon. I saw one about chocolate and beer. Maybe? Heard about any 5K's coming up soon? Maybe a good Cupid's 5K?

Something stupid and ice cream

I am pretty sure I am going to do something stupid tomorrow morning. We are having a very short spell of nice weather. Today it was 59 degrees. Tomorrow is suppose to be the same maybe even a little warmer. So with that being said, I am going to take full advantage of it. I am still on restrictions, but the more I think about it the more I think it's to cover her butt. I am taking it slow and not pushing myself with speed and no hill repeats..yet. I did 5 miles on Thursday. Felt great. I wanted to go a couple more, but didn't want to push to much. Maybe I was feeling guilty. But I haven't had any weird feelings or pains, I don't see any problem. Like I was saying, doing something stupid tomorrow; I haven't done a long run in FOREVER. I'm thinking 6-8 miles. I like the number 7. But I will just let my body tell me when to stop. No pushing..yet.

I love ice cream. If given a choice of dessert, I will always pick ice cream. Who wouldn't? I was at Kroger and I usually go for Ben & Jerry's. Very yummy, but it is very costly money wise and calorie wise. Considering I only get 1220 calories a day, a whole container of B&J is 1200. I wouldn't get to eat anything else, unless I did a long run that day. I came across Arctic Zero. 150 calories for the whole pint. I thought it's too good to be true, but bought it anyways. To my surprise, it was good. Not B&J good, but it defiantly has my ice cream craving taking care of. I've only tried the Chocolate peanut butter one. A half a cup is 37 calories. You seriously can't beat that. I can't wait to try the other flavors.

Today was a rest day from running. I went to the gym. I was dreading it. The reason. The stupid stair-master. I love it, and hate it all the same. It does wonders for your thighs, hips and butt. Also, I credit it to my improvement in running. You think you are in good shape. Do stairs. I promise you will get a good workout. I was able to do 45 mins before the nightmare. Did it today. Only got 20 mins. I was okay with that. Gotta build back up. I then jumped on the elliptical for another 20 mins. I was on the elliptical when I came across reason number one why I hate the gym. Nowhere to spit. I know this sounds gross, but I am a runner. A runner that runs outside. It happens.

Don't stop my run to chit chat!

I am not following a training plan yet. I won't be starting that until I get released from the Dr. (I got my blood work back today. Shouldn't be more then 2 more weeks. Hoping next week, but not holding my breath.) Basically, I am doing 3 miles every day. I really didn't want to run today. Mostly because I loathe winter. I use to be a fan of cold weather. Not so much now. I complained on Facebook for a couple minutes, saying: "Winter is the only time you will hear me say I would rather run on a treadmill. But I was sucking it up and hitting the pavement." I layered up and got to it. I always do this too. I dread the first half mile and then I warm up. There was no ice, which I was nervous about. The sky was so clear, every star was shinning bright. I got back to my house at a little over 3 miles. If I was cleared from the doctor I would have doubled that. Perfect weather, perfect scenery. 

Let me ask you a question. Does anyone else think it's rude to completely stop someone running to have a conversation? Let me explain. I was running tonight when this guy stopped me. He was older. Ummm, if I had to guess I would say late 50's. But then again it was dark and I would not be able make a living at telling age. Anyways, I guess it doesn't matter. I figured he had lost a pet or something. I have been stopped by several cat lady's looking for there beloved. This is how the conversation went:

Old man: How far you running tonight?

Me: Just a couple

Old man; Nice weather. 

Me: Yep. (Smile and nod. Go to resume Garmin)

Old man: Any ice out there tonight?

Me: (Losing patience) Haven't came across any yet.

Old man: That's good. Well, Ill let you get back at it. Nice talking to you.

Me: Same here. Take care.

Oh my word! First off let me say I am very friendly. More so then I should be really. I am constantly waving and saying hello to anyone who looks my way. I've always been like that. But even more so to fellow runners. It's like we have a bond. You get me, I get you. But if you want to have a conversation, get to running! I will gladly listen to how Sally rubbed black marker on your walls. How Oreo buried your favorite shoes in the backyard. But we need to be running! I should not have to stop my run to chit chat. That's the primary reason if I am running in daylight I choose trails. Once I start, I hate being stopped. My gym is about 3 miles away from me. So I've run there a couple times. But I end up hating myself every time. Traffic lights, cars and people walking. 

So my question to you, does this bother you too? 

Tis the season to be sick

The last couple days I've been under the weather. It started off as a sore throat. Then came the runny nose. Last night was a rough night sleeping. I would fall asleep for 10 minutes only to wake up coughing. I eventually did get some ZZZZZ's. But when I woke up I had chills. I got out from under the blanket for a bit and took my temperature. It was 103. Freaking great! Just what I wanted to see! I called to get a appointment at my Dr. They can't get me in until tomorrow  Add more fuel to the fire. BTW, what is it about Monday's and Dr. offices. I had to call two different doctors, and both times I was put on hold for what seemed like a century. I decided to take a sick day from work, and try the self medicating approach. So Tylenol to get my temperature down. Vitamin C to....well I'm not sure what that does, but I always hear that is good to take when sick. Then just some over the counter cold medicine. I could totally do the whole Dr. career thing! Bring on med school!!!

On top of being under the weather, I woke up really emotional. This is probable going to be TMI, but I woke up to a lot of blood. Just another reminder of what happened. I start to move on and then it's thrown in my face again. I tried the alcohol route. Eh, well not this morning. I think that would have been a little inappropriate  It was only 8 a.m. Maybe if it 10, I might have been able to justify a beer or two. Anyways, like I was saying. I tried drowning my sorrow in beer. It doesn't last, and it doesn't benefit my training. So, my only other coping mechanism is running. I was expecting it to suck considering I'm sick. But to my surprise it was the best run since being back at it. Just 3 miles, but it wasn't stressful. I didn't have to push to get there. Unlike the last couple times. My average heart was 137, which is where it should be again. The first couple runs they were 160 or higher. Hoping that in the next week my body returns to normal and I can start pushing.

How do you let it go?

                                                             
                                                                    "Story of my life"

To say I am still mad is a understatement. I'm beyond that. I keep telling myself life isn't fair. That is something that is so obvious. EVERYONE knows that. That just makes me more mad. I'm mad at my body. Mad that it failed me. I don't understand what I did to deserve this. I know I have done things in the past that aren't great...but I think I am being over charged. Mad that I worked so hard to get healthy, and did it the right way. I didn't starve myself. I've went down that road before. I was determined not to do it again. I count calories and exercise. If there is anything "unhealthy" about what I do, it would be in the exercise itself. Running in particular. I'm sure I push too hard. I hardly ever take a rest day. If I do, I end up cross training. It's the only thing in my life I feel like I have control over. Sounds so stupid.

I'm even madder at God. I've never considered myself a Christian. It's confusing to me. Religion. I believe in God. 100% Before all this happened I prayed every single day. For my family, Matt and then for myself. I prayed that he would give us a child. Prayed 30 times a day that He would give me strength to deal with what I could not control. Prayed that He would help me understand that His plan is better then mine. Prayed so stinkin much I bet He was sick of hearing me. Then it did happen and I prayed again. Thanking Him, giving him the glory. We were happy. Matt was happy. He was excited. That in itself was happiness to me, that Matt was excited. The dream ended and I'm mad. I've prayed a couple times since then...but they haven't been "nice" prayers. I know that sounds horrible, but it's true. What in the world could this teach me? It's just a sick joke.

Mad that my running has suffered. I didn't chose for this to happen. I couldn't run for 24 days. I'm only released to run 1 mile every other day. But I can't do math, and have been doing 3...every day. Yesterday's run has me a little concerned, so I'm backing off a little. It surprises me how fast you lose endurance and speed. Right now it's everything I can do to get to 3 miles. My pace. What pace? I was at 9:30-9:50. Yesterday 10-11. MAD!!!!! But if there is a bit of hope that we will have a child...I don't want to push too hard and completely mess that up. So before I get a bunch of "take it easy" comments, I'm backing off. At least until the Dr. says it OK  I go for more blood work tomorrow  I'm hoping they are closer to being negative. Last week they were at 301. To get back to negative, I need to be at 5 or under. Fingers crossed. I just want this nightmare to end.

Not sure if I'll ever forget this. Right now I'm concentrating on forgiving  Forgiving myself for this happening. Forgiving my body for failing. Most of all forgiving God. He forgives, if you ask, I hear. I think I need to forgive myself first to ask Him to forgive me. How stupid does that sound? I need to forgive God. Who am I?

Nobody.

Fell off the wagon

Due to Dr.'s order's I am still not allowed to run. Or exercise.  To say I am unhappy about this is a understatement. It just adds to the anger I already have. I can just image my first run. Ha! I might just do 26.2 miles out of anger and sadness.

So because of that I am trying to be more on point with what I am eating. I have way over indulged  But mostly because of the holidays  There is food freaking EVERYWHERE!!! I wish I could use that as a excuse.  But it's my own fault. I've gained 18 pounds. So it's time to get back on the wagon before it turns into 30 and so on. I was at the grocery store looking for some good snacks...healthy snacks. I found this.

I love popcorn. But it's kinda a trap for me. I will demolish a whole bag. Although there are worse snacks out there, the calories at up. I tend to stay away from these 100 calorie snack things. Just because I feel like they are wasted calories most of the time. Cookies and brownies in the 100 calorie packs are worthless. They aren't filling and you end up eating more then 1 pack. But the popcorn, you get a decent amount and it's filling. A huge fan. They have several different kinds, but I am just a kettle-corn girl. Butter popcorn makes me want to vomit. Disgusting.

So I have decided on two different half marathons. The first one is Kentucky Derby Half. It's April 27. I am planning on doing this with my friend Kara and a friend from work, Jarrod. Not planning on PR'ing here. I just want to run and have a good time with good friends. The next one is 3 weeks after. I will be planning on a PR. It's the Rite Aid half. I got a coupon for 5.00 off the registration. So why not?! The course is pretty flat so I can think of no reason not to try to get under 2 hrs!

Any races planned yet for 2013?

A short lived dream...

I've been away for a bit..in the blogging world. I did complete my first official half marathon. It turned out to be only 12.67 miles. I was bummed after the fact. The day of the marathon was rainy and chilly and WINDY! Now I can run in rain. I can run in cold, but I draw the line at wind! I know, I know, call me a wimp.  It just adds so much resistance. It would have been better if the first half was going into the wind and then coming back it was at the tail of it. Lucky for me, it wasn't. So the first 7, 8 miles was bliss. I zoned out. It was a breeze. I was relaxed and enjoying the moment. It was along the river in Dayton. It really only drizzle here and there. So rain wasn't much of a issue. Cold really never bothers me. You warm up pretty quickly. I reached 9 miles and my legs were cramping. The wind was killer. There was a moment where I was running and a guest of wind came, It made me feel like I was running in place. I looked around and people around me were saying the same thing. I ended up taking a quick walk break to see if I could get my legs to stop cramping. No such luck. I turned my music up and just pushed through. If I walked I was just going to be out there longer. So I started running again. I ended up finishing at 2:15 I was bummed a bit. I wanted to finish in under 2, but with the conditions I knew early in it wasn't going to happen. I had a great time and I'm glad I did it.

I'm going to be real brief about this next part. It's not something I want to talk about or even think about. But day after Thanksgiving we found out our dreams were coming true. I was pregnant  The Mr. was so excited. I loved hearing him talk about it. Even more thinking about him holding the baby. I had barely just started believing it was true. Thats when our dream turned into a nightmare. Long story short, I started spotting. A week went by. I was calling my Dr  like every day. Finally on Friday they scheduled me for a ultrasound. I think deep down I knew it was going to be bad. Even the nurse told me to relax. I couldn't though. At the end of the ultrasound, it was determined that it was a ectopic pregnancy  Basically it didn't implant in the womb. A week after crying and being mad and sad and depressed, today was my first day back at work. It's a step in the right direction. I'm not liking happy people right now or people in general  But I will get over it. It's apart of life. If its too get to be true, it usually is. We are suppose to learn that early in life.

One of the worst things about this whole experience is that I can't run right now. The Dr. wants me to be cleared of "this" before I go back to working out. Turns out I can die. A few days ago, that wasn't such a bad thought. Before I say this next statement, I AM NOT SUICIDAL and DON'T want to die. But I just feel like I have nothing to live for. No purpose. I know when  I am cleared for running it will help with this, its just this period of time I'm not dealing well with. I've never done drugs before, I tried one cigarette once and hated it. That's the jest of my "drug" experiment. Friday I wouldn't have thought twice about coke or anything to make me numb. Selfish, stupid, yes, but that's how bad my heart was broken. But instead, I concentrated on finding another marathon to do.Probably, because I wouldn't know the first thing on how to get anything like that. I think I've decided on Louisville, KY half marathon April 27th. A decent amount of time to train and early spring so its not too hot. I train outside all summer, but I think there are few marathons that start at 3:30 or 4am. I am hoping to get cleared on Monday, so I can get back into the swing of things. But official training won't start til the first of the year. Oh! Did I mention there are hills in the marathon?! I'm nervous and excited! Nervous of failing, but excited to push myself! Guess hill repeats will be apart of my near future!!!

That's the "cliff notes" version of the last 2 months. 2012 started off bad and it's ending even worse. I will be so glad to say bye to it! Hoping for a better year for me and the Mr. By the way, please don't comment on the "short lived dream" I don't need to hear sorry or anything like that. I just needed to vent a little, since running isn't allowed.

What are you training for? Any races coming up?